The Myers Match: Issue 02
Headline gambit
Bimbo — a word seldom heard in these more enlightened times, unless you find yourself behind a set of boomers in the bar queue at a West End matinée. And our Bimbohunter is after “a blonde” too! Groundbreaking. This brave opener is signposting a sense of humour, but rather suggests the laugh-o-meter will usually land somewhere between fart jokes and shouting “bogies” in a quiet branch of Foyles, rather than Sandi Toksvig and Stephen Fry locked in a rap battle inspired by Wodehouse quips.
Confusing the dear departed screen siren Elizabeth Taylor with a coffee table or cup holder in a Vauxhall Vectra is an unusual start to a personal ad, but I’m sure our other lonely heart knows what she’s doing.
And is there anything more romantic than getting married eight times, including to your best friend’s husband? Not in my mind.
Green shoots
If Bimbohunter’s “big inheritance” is of the monetary persuasion — rather than a physical endowment — then Elizabeth’s dreams may well come true, so long as she’s flaxen-haired. But even if she’s not, Stifler’s mom from American Pie wasn’t short of curves, so perhaps Elizabeth’s own feminine undulations and bling dangling from every appendage will distract Bimbohunter enough.
Red flags
He’s all about the looks, she’s all about the diamonds. Conversation may soon run aground — there are only so many jewellers’ windows you can gaze into.
“A charming British accent?” Cool, but can an accent pick up your dry cleaning? Will a diamond necklace run to the shop to get you Cold & Flu tablets?
Best case scenario
Bimbohunter finds someone willing to endure his amazing stories about “this one time, on the lads holiday to Ibiza, we nicked a donkey and it shat on my terrace,” while Elizabeth is content to jam sapphires into her ear canal and nod her head, politely, dreaming of her next emerald brooch.
Worst case scenario
That big inheritance dwindles to nothing, and Elizabeth is so weighed down by an exact replica of the Buccleuch diamond belt tiara that she can’t prevent the bailiffs carting away all Bimbohunter’s classic rom-com DVDs.
Match potential
5/10.
Want to see if fate has a sense of humour? Submit your own personal ad to The Lonely Hearts Club for a chance to be paired by Justin Myers in an upcoming issue of “The Myers Match”.
Need more Justin?
Read his column Impeccable Table Manners at theguyliner.com, and pick up his latest book, The Glorious Dead, available from all good bookshops, especially your local independent.
This column originally appeared in Issue 02, published in February 2026. It was published online on April 11, 2026.