Our Rules of Engagement
We believe in words, wit, and the art of connection. To keep things kind, clever, and beautifully human, we’ve written a short guide to make sure every ad hits the right note. After all, kindness is still the best opening line.
1. Be real
Write your own words. No AI, no ghostwriters, no pretending to be someone else. Sincerity is the new scandal.
2. Keep it brief
Personal ads: up to 40 words
Business ads: up to 20 words
Say what matters, and leave a little mystery.
3. Stay anonymous
No names, no numbers, no socials. Each ad has its own reply code, and letters come through us. Replies are forwarded by Royal Mail, once a week, with care.
4. Keep it kind
No hate, no harassment, no discrimination. The Club is open to everyone between 18 and 99. All genders, sexualities, and stories are welcome. Respect is the rule.
Members aged 100 and over are automatically granted membership to The Lonely Heart Club’s The Hundred Club and may post for free, forever.
5. Editorial touch
We may trim, tidy, or lightly edit for length and tone, but we never change your intent. Think of it as proofreading with a conscience.
6. No funny business
We don’t publish anything explicit, cruel, or corporate. Small creative and independent businesses, yes. Anything exploitative or soulless, no.
7. Replies are sacred
Letters only. No gifts, no cash, no surprises. If something feels off, we won’t forward it.
8. Ownership & reprints
You own your words. We just hold a non-exclusive license to print and occasionally reprint in future anthologies or exhibitions. Always with discretion.
9. Corrections
If you spot an error or change your mind, let us know before we go to print. We’ll do our best to amend it. After that, it’s ink, and ink is forever.
10. Spirit of the Club
This is a small rebellion against noise. A place for romantics, writers, and the quietly curious. Write honestly. Read slowly. Post often.