Slow down.
Read between the lines.
Respond the
old-fashioned way.
ARE YOU MY WILDLIFE PROTECTOR?
56, female. Kind, sincere, deeply at home in nature, wildlife, wildflowers, bees, starry nights. I love music, good food, good wine and cosy evenings. Seeking a male wildlife protector to share a warm, joyful life. Member #001
SERIAL SWIPER LOOKING FOR REDEMPTION
Confessing my tinder addiction. Seeking alternative to help me re-connect with real dating. Female, 22, psychology grad. Member #073.
BABY GOT BACH
Amateur orchestra forming. I play the piano (badly). All instruments welcome. Conductors encouraged. The worse you are, the better. Aiming for Christmas concert 2026. Member #029
AMERICAN CINEPHILE SEEKING CO-CONSPIRATOR FOR LIFE
Cinema-loving dog mom, 33F, seeking partner 33-43 with whom to get older and/or weirder. Me: American, embarrassingly sincere, love to laugh above anything else, obsessive about the NYT daily mini. You: leftist, sweet-toothed, unapologetically yourself. Member #078
MISSING IN ACTION
Will the tall, slim, gorgeous, intelligent, kind, loaded, funny, popular and horny woman please write to her male, 28-year- old counterpart. Letter must be in calligraphy as proof of pedigree. Member #026
We’re a print-first paper, something to be picked up, read, and lingered over. Between the ads, you’ll find essays, reflections, recommendations, and small obsessions on love, culture, and all the curious ways we connect (or don’t).
As an independent publication, we like to think our readers find us by chance, in the right place, at the right time. Still, a touch of serendipity never hurts, which is why we share a selection of our ads online each month.
If something catches your eye, you can reply the old-fashioned way on paper, by post. After all, there’s something quietly hopeful about waiting for a letter, don’t you think?
NEED SOMEONE TO WATCH CASABLANCA WITH
Me: Suicide blonde (dyed by my own hand), a lot of tattoos, not quite 30, F. I like analog and old.
You: personal sense of style, rigid moral compass, (big) biceps a (big) plus. Member #079
DEAR GOD, I’VE TURNED INTO A CLICHE
I don’t know how this happened, but, somehow, due to circumstances outside of my control, without much, or any active participation from my part, I have turned into the boring aunt. Not even the nutty aunt. The lame one. My presents are eco-friendly, my food is healthy and even my drinks are mocking me. Need saving immediately. Take me out, get me drunk, feed me a kebab, take me to poundland. Member #062
YOU, ME AND TREE?
Independent female teacher looking for love. Open to meeting a kind man or woman local to Hackney. Find me in Victoria park on the weekends, perched under my favourite tree. Member #048
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DELILAH!
See — I told you personal ads still exist. And look at them now: fully gentrified! Wishing you a brilliant day. Love, your ancient Dad. Member #036
LOOKING FOR SOME NEW MATES
Trying to branch out of my comfort zone. Friends are all paired up. Looking for new mates for the pub or a good night out. Into japanese whisky, padel and architecture. Member #018
Enjoying our personal ads?
Each of our issues contains a maximum of 285 personal ads from people all over the United Kingdom. Visit one of our wonderful host venues to read in person, or head to our papershop to subscribe for delivery to your door.
Someone caught your eye?
Go on, write to them. Address your letter to:
Member #, The Lonely Hearts Club, Suite 333, 43 Bedford Street, WC2E 9HA, London, United Kingdom.
Remember to mark their Member Number clearly on the envelope, and we’ll make sure it reaches them. If you’d like a reply, tuck your return address inside.
Prefer to remain anonymous?
Place your own ad and receive your own member number. Any responses will be forwarded to you discreetly, and without fuss.
COUNT ON ME FOR LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND MORE
Playful, witty, eccentric 25-year-old bisexual man studying maths at Oxford. Curious, athletic, and hoarding hobbies irresponsibly. Fascinated by everything from psychology to foreign policy to palaeontology. Seeking romance or friendship with someone weird, funny, and open to new experiences. Member #076
BROKE MY THUMB
I'm on a swiping hiatus. Trying this instead. 6-foot, blonde, 22-year-old scotsman. Anthropology MA. Looking for luscious lass who enjoys camping. Will respond using postcards from the outer hebrides. Member #019