Slow down.
Read between the lines.
Respond the
old-fashioned way.
BLONDE AMBITION
What do myself (Female, 36) and Ms Monroe have in common? Love of literature, art, film, romance … terrible luck in love. Me: professional singer, great gift giver. You: patient, kind, leftist. Be the prince to my showgirl?Member #081
Member #081
LOOKING FOR THE MAGIC
Me: Pretty, curvy, brunette, 5'7", 35. Confident, affectionate, curious, creative, leftist. You: Kind, funny, strong, clever, responsible, gentleman. Us: Adventures, giggles, shared desserts, niche chats, cosy Sundays. If it sounds good: I’ll bring the magic if you bring the same. Member #086
CARE FOR A FUTURE TOGETHER?
Gentleman, 40: Tender and wobbly. Attentive and auspicious. Looking for a lady for commendable company and the possibility of a future. Member #120
ARE YOU MY WILDLIFE PROTECTOR?
56, female. Kind, sincere, deeply at home in nature, wildlife, wildflowers, bees, starry nights. I love music, good food, good wine and cosy evenings. Seeking a male wildlife protector to share a warm, joyful life. Member #001
SERIAL SWIPER LOOKING FOR REDEMPTION
Confessing my tinder addiction. Seeking alternative to help me re-connect with real dating. Female, 22, psychology grad. Member #073.
BABY GOT BACH
Amateur orchestra forming. I play the piano (badly). All instruments welcome. Conductors encouraged. The worse you are, the better. Aiming for Christmas concert 2026. Member #029
AMERICAN CINEPHILE SEEKING CO-CONSPIRATOR FOR LIFE
Cinema-loving dog mom, 33F, seeking partner 33-43 with whom to get older and/or weirder. Me: American, embarrassingly sincere, love to laugh above anything else, obsessive about the NYT daily mini. You: leftist, sweet-toothed, unapologetically yourself. Member #078
MISSING IN ACTION
Will the tall, slim, gorgeous, intelligent, kind, loaded, funny, popular and horny woman please write to her male, 28-year- old counterpart. Letter must be in calligraphy as proof of pedigree. Member #026
Enjoying our personal ads?
As an independent publication, we like to think our readers find us by chance, in the right place, at the right time. Still, a touch of serendipity never hurts, which is why we share a selection of our ads online each month.
Each of our issues contains a maximum of 285 personal ads from people all over the United Kingdom. Visit one of our wonderful host venues to read in person, or head to our papershop to subscribe for delivery to your door.
Someone caught your eye?
Go on, write to them. Address your letter to:
Member #, The Lonely Hearts Club, Suite 333, 43 Bedford Street, WC2E 9HA, London, United Kingdom.
Remember to mark their Member Number clearly on the envelope, and we’ll make sure it reaches them. If you’d like a reply, tuck your return address inside.
Prefer to remain anonymous?
Place your own ad and receive your own member number. Any responses will be forwarded to you discreetly, and without fuss.
HELLO DIVINE PARTNER (NOT THE PINK FLAMINGOS KIND)
Looking for what Miss Piggy and Kermit have. Overthinker ISO someone to make life simpler and sweeter. To paraphrase John Waters, I’ve tried everything and I like kissing best. Female, 35, queer. Member #090
HERE’S YOUR MAN IN FINANCE
I don't wear a gilet, but I do go to work at 5:30 a.m. My salary means I can pay the bills, but my brain wants a feminist who believes in equality. Big on cycling (with spandex) and the FT's How To Spend It. Interested? Write in. Member #104
SPARKS & FEATHERS
Chatty writer seeking someone with sparkling conversation. Looking for a partner (based in North-West UK) to share laughter and joy with… pillow fights, rolling down hills and loud singalongs to our favourite songs. Looking toward commitment, with children later. Member #083
NEED SOMEONE TO WATCH CASABLANCA WITH
Me: Suicide blonde (dyed by my own hand), a lot of tattoos, not quite 30, F. I like analog and old.
You: personal sense of style, rigid moral compass, (big) biceps a (big) plus. Member #079
DEAR GOD, I’VE TURNED INTO A CLICHE
I don’t know how this happened, but, somehow, due to circumstances outside of my control, without much, or any active participation from my part, I have turned into the boring aunt. Not even the nutty aunt. The lame one. My presents are eco-friendly, my food is healthy and even my drinks are mocking me. Need saving immediately. Take me out, get me drunk, feed me a kebab, take me to poundland. Member #062
YOU, ME AND TREE?
Independent female teacher looking for love. Open to meeting a kind man or woman local to Hackney. Find me in Victoria park on the weekends, perched under my favourite tree. Member #048
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DELILAH!
See — I told you personal ads still exist. And look at them now: fully gentrified! Wishing you a brilliant day. Love, your ancient Dad. Member #036
LOOKING FOR SOME NEW MATES
Trying to branch out of my comfort zone. Friends are all paired up. Looking for new mates for the pub or a good night out. Into japanese whisky, padel and architecture. Member #018
COUNT ON ME FOR LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND MORE
Playful, witty, eccentric 25-year-old bisexual man studying maths at Oxford. Curious, athletic, and hoarding hobbies irresponsibly. Fascinated by everything from psychology to foreign policy to palaeontology. Seeking romance or friendship with someone weird, funny, and open to new experiences. Member #076
BROKE MY THUMB
I'm on a swiping hiatus. Trying this instead. 6-foot, blonde, 22-year-old scotsman. Anthropology MA. Looking for luscious lass who enjoys camping. Will respond using postcards from the outer hebrides. Member #019
Read more ads in our digital editions
SEEKING WINGWOMAN FOR CULTURAL MEANDERING
44-year-old man, not on apps, nor social media. Have an amazing friendship group but am after a wingwoman for gigs, galleries or just wandering around London. Interests include music, art, fiction, and celebrating the mundanity of the world. Member #089ember #081
REDHEAD, RUM & REPARTEE
West Country raised, Rubenesque lady, 35, with cerulean eyes, red hair, and lips for unforgettable kisses. Theatre, jazz bars, music, and sparkling conversation delight me. Comedy wins my heart. Adore East LDN. Wit & charm — NO cads. Member #085
DIE-HARD REBEL
No tattoos, no piercings, no fillers, no daddy issues, no trauma. Lover of all conspiracies. Basically a unicorn. F, 32.
Member #008